Finding one’s place can mean many things for many people. For me, it really means finding your comfort zone; the place you call ‘home’ inside yourself. Deep? Not so much. A person’s comfort zone can definitely vary depending on any given situation. For some, being comfortable in a situation is all about control or being the center of attention while for others, the complete opposite is the case; anonymity and the ability to blend into the background is a much more appealing proposition.

I recently found myself at a large gathering. Lots of strangers in attendance, very few acquaintances. Now, I do not consider myself anti-social in the very least, but if history has taught me anything, I find that I tend not to be of the sort that will simply walk up to a group of strangers and initiate a conversation. Instead, I found myself doing what I normally do in situations like this; I gravitated towards the small group of acquaintances there, making idle chitchat and for the most part ‘playing it socially safe’.

After the event was over and I was walking towards my car, I found myself wondering whether or not I was missing out anything by ‘playing it safe’. As the affirmative immediately popped into my head I realized that there was no question about it… Of course I was missing out from many things; making new friends, learning new things, adding more jokes to the arsenal, etc. But in truth, while there was no denying that these were only a few of the things I had probably let slip by, my comfort level was what ultimately determined my actions.

I suppose that that same comfort level, in many ways, has always shaped my behavior and actions; actions which, in turn, have truly shaped who I am or, more specifically, who I have become.

The concept of nature vs. nurture has always posed the question of how much of who we are is determined by what we learn vs. what we’ve always been. And while I was always surrounded by people of a fairly extraverted nature growing up, I have come to terms that my nature has always been more of an introverted one. Preferring solitude to company, some are quick to pull out the hermit label, but I don’t believe I would categorize myself so severely. I like being at peace with myself yet enjoy the company of others very much, I simply prefer the former when given the choice.

As the self-analytic session ended, I found myself sitting in my car, back at my original thought of what this meant in terms of ‘finding my place’. What I’ve concluded is this: No one can tell you what your place is, just like no one can tell you who you are. Your ‘place’, I’ve realized, is ultimately… You. And if we apply this logic, finding your place is ultimately finding yourself and being comfortable with that. Many refer to this as being your ‘Happy Place’ which really, is simply where you find your inner-most peace, whether that is on a physical, mental or spiritual plane. Mine just so happens to be in the more solitary realm.

In short, don’t be too hard on yourself next time you opt out of doing impromptu standup at your next social function. I am here to tell you that it’s okay to be comfortable in your own skin, without needing, or even wanting, the acknowledgment of others.

It could be that like me, your ‘place’ does not involve many others or, if it helps, you can always think of yourself as someone who is simply heeding your parents’ repetitive childhood advice of, “never talk to strangers!”

Namaste.

my place

I walk to my side of the bed and sit for a moment, looking over into the hallway where Ciena and Lola (our golden retriever and labrador/demon mix) finally lay peacefully in their respective cots. Ciena exhales softly and I hear her yawn, no doubt worn out after an equally long day of cat-chasing and foiled escape attempts from the backyard.

From across the hall, I hear the faint chirping of a calendar alert coming from the computer in my office; a reminder about something happening in the next 12 hours. I try to recall what that might be, but for the moment it escapes me. Instead, I go through my mental checklist… back door: locked; aquarium lights: off; dogs: fed; alarm: set; what was I forgetting? Oh yeah, bedroom curtains: open.

It was at that moment that I realized that there was a quiet kind of satisfaction to this routine. A sort of ‘reset’ that I went through every night, where things were put back into place, alarms were figuratively re-wound, and all was returned to its original position… ready for a new day.

As I lay down and pull the covers over me, I smile; musing over how such little things can be translated subconsciously into that sense of accomplishment. I reach over, snap off the light that sits on the nightstand next to me, gently kissed my wife goodnight and doze off to the not-so-gentle sounds of Lola’s canine, yet surprisingly ’40-year-old-and-overweight-man-like’ snoring…  ready, just like all those little things I had just ‘reset’, for a new day.

- the paw.

Most gadgets I own, were purchased for a specific purpose… A music player, an extra monitor, a wireless keyboard, a phone; all of these serve very specific life and work purposes: listening to music, being more productive, portability, talking.

The iPad however, really never had ANY specific purpose for me… I just bought it because it looked cool, I’ll admit it! it’s what happened after I started using it that was pretty cool for me; I’ve started reading books again, catching up on actual news, drawing, browsing magazines I had long ago forgotten how much I loved, writing this very blog post!

What I quickly realized is that even though I did not have a specific need in mind when I first purchased the odd little gadget, it didn’t mean there had to be one. The truth is that the iPad does not meet any real need for me… What it does is give me an excuse and an easy way to get back to things I like or LIKED to do, but simply forgot about.

People tend to get so caught up on what a device can’t do, sometimes they tend to overlook the things it CAN do… in my case being something huge; personal enjoyment.

For that alone, I can sleep very restfully at night, knowing that not only is buyer’s remorse nowhere in sight, but also that in the morning, I’ll be waking up to a nice, hot cup of coffee, and my morning news and tweets displayed beautifully on a 9.7″ screen, resting comfortably on my lap… yup, just like in the commercial.